Where to begin? Lewis Carroll famously said, “Begin at the beginning, go on to the end, and then stop.” But that is hard advice to follow when one’s head is spinning, when one knows not if he (or she!) is coming or going, as I am hard pressed to say myself. And, of course, when the speaker had extremely problematic relationships with female minors, as did Carroll. (Yes, it was “another time,” but still.)

First off, I could begin by writing that it seems we are now…a video-chat company, on the order of Skype! Since our broad-based platform proved too intricate for a mass audience, we have pivoted to a new product, a crystal-clear communication app Dinesh hacked together with Richard’s algorithm and the peer-to-peer network our ex-employee Carla coded in embryonic form, and Gilfoyle built out.

Secondly, we have been purchased by Bachmanity, Erlich and Big Head’s joint venture! Although a vigorous discussion of revising the cap table is now underway—believe you me—great thanksgiving should be made to Erlich and Big Head for this acquisition. Because, the bid they beat belonged to none other than Gavin Belson, who no doubt would have folded Pied Piper’s IP into an update of HooliOffice or something, and in this way all we worked for would have been lost.

What lies ahead for Pied Piper? Who can say? But I, for one, cannot wait to find out!

Comments (20)

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


  1. Peter Gregory says:

    I was just offered voting rights that seem to have been sold separately from the stock. Hmm — video imagery? Maybe for my island? I would ENJOY that.

    1. wenzelJay says:

      HOW is peter grerory commenting in 2016? He died in season 1.

  2. Zhiyuan L says:

    Can’t wait to see the video-chat app. But wait, you are really going to abandon the compression platform? It’s so awesome!!

  3. When you pay me?! I want see my money right now!

  4. Jian Yang says:

    Hey Erlich this is your Mother, you are not my baby!

  5. Shaun says:

    Hey Jared, where is Monica? I really like her. But I didn’t see her on your ‘who are we’ part. has she been kicked out or what?

  6. Fahad Malik says:

    Pivoting, yet again, can be great for Pied Piper – especially until they figure out how to simplify the intricacies of their broad compression platform and make it user-friendly. I know pivoting turned out great for monsterwriters.com

  7. Bernice says:

    Hold up. I just became a competent user on that Pied Piper compression thing. Now y’all are like “Nope, forget that, we’re gonna do video chat.” It’s like being trained as an Olympic diver then suddenly being told, “Nope, diving’s canceled, you’re fencing now”. Oh well, I guess you’ll have to retrain me. When’s the next focus group?

  8. Hollibutt says:

    Awesome news Jared. Erlich saved your bacon. Well also Dinesh

  9. linsoft says:

    u and richard lied, and there will be 10 months for the next season.

  10. Boi says:

    Everyone can see the romantique tension between u and richard ?☕️

  11. Tucan says:

    Very nice purchase gentlemen. All the best of luck in the future!

  12. Pied piper is awesome. Their groundbreaking compression algarythom has allowed me the ability to store all my pictures and videos of cute orphan cats in 1 central location spread out acrossed all my devices realtime. Its so great it all most eclipses my fear of pied pipers neural net from becoming skynet and destroying humanity.

  13. Ryan Wang says:

    I like this website very much! Hope to see your headquarter in the valley.

  14. @ten-bobcats says:

    Amazing – what a roller coaster ride! Looking forward to hearing more about Pied Piper and all of its setbacks and successes.

  15. tvguy says:

    Now we wait 10 months…

  16. King Cannabis says:

    I wish Errich Bachman was my boss