Personal Management


Hello, friends. I am writing to you from my cozy corner of Erlich’s garage (although the photo above depicts otherwise). Which, thanks to a helpful and reasonably priced exterminator, is now almost primarily rat-free, judging by the decreased instance of both droppings and bites on my extremities as I sleep. I gave you an excellent Yelp review, Mr. Yaruslav!

Oh, I can hear those eyebrows raising; I know it doesn’t sound like much. But I’ll have you know none of my foster homes were remotely this luxurious, and my dorm room at Vassar was nearly as Spartan. Furthermore, Erlich is still not charging me rent, which could not be said of my college lodgings and the crushing debt I incurred there, nor of the attics and semi-enclosed porches of my childhood, which I paid for with endless, backbreaking chores and things no child should see. But I digress!

In any case. My topic today is “personal management.” Which is a fancy way of saying a concerted effort to maintain a healthy work-life balance. An example: Shortly after being rightfully reinstated as Pied Piper’s leader, my CEO Richard Hendricks embarked upon a liaison with a highly suitable senior Facebook engineer. Their relationship unfortunately ended after a disagreement over an arcane question of coding protocol. Engineers, am I correct?

Nonetheless, I took Richard’s dip into the dating pool as a cue to relaunch my brand in that arena, as it were. Because devoted as I have been to the company’s well-being, I’ve found if I fail to devote myself to to my personal well-being to some extent, I am doing the company a disservice. And since I started “getting out there” and meeting potential romantic partners, my productivity at work and my general well-being have both skyrocketed: I am getting more done, and the frequency of my night terrors has slightly decreased. As for Dinesh, who once told me in a very fresh manner, “Jared, if you ever actually got laid, I bet you’d ejaculate for six hours, and afterwards you’d be four feet tall and translucent.” Well, Dinesh…still just as tall, and no paler!

Comments (28)

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  1. Max Profit says:

    Thinking about coming up with a new idea for golden shower compression streaming. It’ll be called Peed Piper. Would love to hear what you guys think.’

  2. Miss. In Yu says:

    Hi Jared!! Sorry you got sick, I was really looking forward to going to that party at Alcatraz!!! You haven’t returned any of my calls…:( I miss you!!!! Can’t wait to see you again..muah!!!.

  3. Ken says:

    Jared, you have been a loyal PP and showed no wavering. You stand tall and firm when things flop. You are an inspiration!

  4. @trescommas says:

    This guy fucks!

  5. Eleanor says:

    Haha! You’re already pale!

  6. Dude, you really sound lost in there. Okay, time for a reality check:! But I can change it. Bachman has a cousin: ME! Check me out here:

  7. Dani says:

    Oh… So you’re not completely in love with Richard Hendricks? The way you write about him in your blog posts would indicate otherwise.

  8. Haha 你好 says:


  9. Ryan says:

    The boys at Pied Piper need your guidance in the ways of the woman!

    Also, my sincerest apologies about the improper formatting of this comment. My iPhone doesn’t have a tab key.

  10. D Man says:

    It is untoward to brag about sexual conquests.

  11. I told you this guy f(|)cks!

  12. I told you this guy fucks!!!

  13. ana says:

    you have endless compassion, jared dunn. keep being that awesome guy.

  14. Li says:


  15. isuru says:

    Russ was right. This guy fucks!

  16. syh says:


  17. The Night Terror says:

    This guy fucks.

  18. Russ Hanneman says:

    This guy fucks

  19. andrew says:

    Jared, I hope you’ll keep blogging. Great stuff.

  20. Russ Hanneman says:

    this guy fucksssssss!!!!!!

  21. Tiara says:

    I love this episode

  22. Emily says:

    Jared, may I be the first person to read your autobiography? I could take a lesson from you.

  23. kev says:

    ew jared ur straight 🙁

    1. stableboy says:

      What’s wrong with that?

      1. Kev says:

        Everything NOW I CANT DATE HIM ???

  24. Mr. Dunn, you have come a long way in your life journey, I shouldn’t be saying this since it may jeopardize my relationship with Gavin Belson but you have uncovered a new part of yourself and your own tranquility, very good job, keep well.