Meet Pied Piper’s New COO!

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Apologies if this post is a bit more scattered than usual, but my fingers are verily flying across the keyboard with joy! I’ve had a cascade of dreams come true recently. I never thought anything could surpass my Make-A-Wish meeting with Amy Tan when I was misdiagnosed with that wasting disease. But this moment? This is the happiest I’ve ever been.

Dream Come True #1: Richard Hendricks was my houseguest! When Jian-Yang first evicted my friends and colleagues from the hostel, I was furious. After all, this was the place we’d all roughhoused, traded jabs, looked up those jabs on Urban Dictionary to make sure we understood them fully. But the sterling silver lining of this betrayal was that Richard needed a place to stay, and I was honored to supply.

I’ll admit, there were a few bumps during our shack-up. We didn’t have time for the wine and paint night I’d planned, for one. My attempt to play corporate matchmaker for Richard went about as well as my attempt to get him to use a hair pomade. And I was called back to the house when Gilfoyle, surrounded by refrigerator parts, had a brief waltz with a paranoid break.

But it all worked out in the end: Without going into the NDA-protected details, I negotiated a deal for Pied Piper that saved us from quite a thorny lawsuit. Which brings me to Dream Come True #2: Richard Hendricks has named me, Jared Dunn from an unknown location in the contiguous United States, COO of Pied Piper!

Readers, you know it’s not like me to brag like this. As my fourth grade teacher once told me, “Confidence isn’t a color that suits you, Donald.” Well, personal color palettes be damned because I am reeling over here!

Okay, okay. Time to put away the Martinelli’s and head to bed — as if I could possibly fall asleep!

Comments (19)

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  1. Carl says:

    Congratulations Jared!

  2. Josh says:

    I am happy Richard was able to see your ability to lead the team in your own kind hearted way, you’ve continued to show your ability by continually saving the team from doom.
    Congratulations Jared!

  3. Ken says:

    Congrats!

  4. Rick says:

    Well deserved promotion Jared! They couldn’t have chosen a better man for the job! Congratulations!

  5. Alessandro says:

    This is so great! Way to go Jared!

  6. Taslim Oseni says:

    Congrats Jared. You’ve always been the ligament that pulls Pied Piper together.

  7. Jim Burnt says:

    Congrats Jared, you deserve this!

  8. Al says:

    Congratulations, Jared! I can’t think of any one best as COO of Pied Piper. You Da Man!

  9. Adesh says:

    Congrats Jared !!!

  10. Cee says:

    I cried with happiness for you

  11. Leo Du says:

    I’m so happy for you Jared! You’re the best!

  12. Ben B. says:

    Radical Candor: I’m very disappointed in Richard’s decision to name you COO. I left Dana for this role and now I’ll need to draw on our deep connection to get back in at Quiver.

    However, Jared, this is very well deserved. Congrats buddy!

  13. Karma says:

    Congratulations Jared! You’ve most certainly deserved this promotion, and Richard certainly seems happy in his decision.

  14. Alexander says:

    Good for you Jared!

  15. Calvin says:

    Donald, you made it!

  16. CBS says:

    We’re so happy for you, Jared! You’re the right man for the job and the right man for Richard.

    1. Libia says:

      Yes, he is the right man for Richard. Long live and prosperity.

  17. Congrats Jared! Julia Roberts would be proud…