Growth Spurt!


Welcome back, dear readers! My, how things have changed for us here at Pied Piper since my last post: series A funding from Bream-Hall, expansive offices, fifty new employees. I even got to see Richard off to the Innovation Hall of Fame Ceremony. Like any head of business development, I’d envisioned this moment before, sending my CEO off to a black-tie event. (Richard didn’t want me to take a photo, but he’ll be glad to have it later.)

Richard’s bespoke tuxedo aside, I’ll admit that Pied Piper’s makeover had a bumpy start. We began with the hunt for new offices, and while I don’t believe in excess, the first option had a fluorescent, grim minimalism that prompted my worst panic attack since I was left behind on a Hooli off-site in Yosemite. But in the end, we found a gorgeous space. While it doesn’t yet have the lived-in warmth of our table back at the hostel, soon we’ll have enough twigs and cotton to make this nest our own.

Our next step was hiring. We had been thoroughly vetting engineers, hoping to hand select each new Piper, when Gavin Belson stole away all sixty-three of our candidates in one fell swoop. I always knew he was a snake charmer, luring coders away with his pungi of cash and lies. He’ll toast you with champagne and then stab you in the liver. He might be the devil.

No matter, because Gavin couldn’t poach the winds from our sails. Through a clever acqui-hire of Sliceline (which had just acquired Optimoji), our family of employees is now fifty strong. It’s the kind of mass adoption every orphan dreams of.

I couldn’t be more thrilled for Pied Piper’s next chapter and its new challenges. First up, comparing quotes on a modesty panel for Richard’s desk!

Comments (11)

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  1. Lady Jane says:

    Awesome, love your new office space but hopefully all your 50 new hires get comfy in there. Keep it up, Pied Piper!

    Note: loving the re-branding of the company, yay!

  2. Bob says:

    Hire Me. I know blockchain and cobol.

  3. Jake Gipson says:

    Looking forward to continued growth! Down with the box!!!!

  4. Loff says:

    Hi Jared, will there be a water feature at your new HQ? I know a very dedicated caretaker that will keep it in pristine condition.

  5. Rafael Pato says:

    Pied Piper has a bright future on its way!

  6. masshysterus says:

    Looking forward!

  7. Stan Tostada says:

    Dear Richard,

    The battery in my HooliPod died. Can you get me a new one, or do I need to call Gavin?


  8. Nham Viktor says:

    Congratulations on the clever acquisition, Pied Piper team! It’s time to slice up the old internet and deliver a new one 🍕!

  9. Jim Burnt says:

    May Pied Piper soar higher then any aviary animal Gavin Belson could acquire!

  10. Marco Gross says:

    Hey guys, good luck with the new team. Now you have everything you need to kick Hooli’s ass. I’m looking foward to watch Pied Piper’s success!