Fight on, Pied Piper!

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Have you heard? Our new app Space Saver has cracked the Top Five Hundred rankings! I went to the Hooli App Store, clicked the Utilities tab, selected sub-group mobile, selected sub-group storage, kept scrolling down to number 499, and there was our name in lights! Yet no sooner had I prepared to blast the Joan Baez and toast our success than we were hit with some bad news.

First, there was Richard’s osteopenia diagnosis. I purchased chocolate-flavored Viactiv Calcium Soft Chews to show him bone density maintenance can be fun and cool, but still, I know he was shaken. Second, there was Stu Burke. This patent troll spotted Space Saver, an ingenue fresh off the bus from Iowa about to catch her big break, and he pounced. Luckily, our Richard was armed with justice and, some minor financial casualties aside, Pied Piper prevailed!

While Richard was on the front lines of patent litigation, I was fighting my own war on the homefront — me, a mildly-scoliotic David, against Microsoft Azure, a corporate Goliath. How could I get them to reduce our cloud storage rate? Well, as Anna sings in The King and I: “Make believe you’re brave, and the trick will take you far.” So, I became Ed Chambers.

Ed was everything I wasn’t: suave, confident, able to stomach hard liquor and dessert wines. While I always stay on the line after a customer service call to rate my interaction, Ed just hung up ‘cause he had a disco to get to.’ And while my dreams are a labyrinthine theater of repressed memories, Ed’s were just a cheerful replay of his favorite Super Bowl halftime shows.

It was a thrilling foray, but in the end, Ed’s brashness was his undoing. He had to be let go. Farewell, EC — we may be back to the core Pied Piper team, but you and your colorful exit interview won’t soon be forgotten.

 

Comments (10)

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  1. KP says:

    “Go for Chambers” is how I will be answering my phone from now on.

  2. Anthony Riposta says:

    R.I.P. Ed Chambers 2017-2017

  3. This platform is great, not expensive! I love it!

  4. Jay Hash says:

    I hope the ios App Store version gets approved soon! Sitting here with my crappy WinZip App. All it wants me to do is pay for it. Looking forward to your free space, though I’m unsure about what you need the partition on my phone for. And 20GB on a phone? Dude, that’s like 20 FLAC format Vangelis albums. Can you do like a quarter of that? Lemme know if you want me to beta test it though.

    Peace!

  5. Timothy Walsh says:

    Jared, you don’t need Ed Chambers, you are Ed Chambers. You can do anything he can do.

  6. Yudi says:

    Congratulations

  7. Kkkktcat says:

    Keep up the good work pied piper!!

  8. Matt B says:

    I bet your unicorn tech finds profitability via gov’t contracts, porn, and/or money-laundering.

  9. Ralph Wiggens says:

    Hella yeah

  10. Paul says:

    Way to go, PP!!