Boxed In

piedpiper_302_blog_03

The last time we spoke, dear readers, I was trying to come to grips with reality. To be more specific, the upsetting reality that Richard Hendricks—the man I admire most on this big blue marble (tied with Herb Cohen the visionary author of several books about negotiation strategy)—has been forced from the helm of Pied Piper and replaced with an interloper. Yes, for a time it seemed that Action Jack’s presence would be a positive. To wit, he did snag us snazzy new offices and handle much of the tedious administrative tasks that Richard chafed at as CEO. But, sadly: He has turned out to be nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s easy-fit chinos.

Richard and the rest of us have from the very beginning seen Pied Piper as a potentially revolutionary platform company. But, thanks to the whim of Jack and his army of salespeople—who resemble nothing so much as corn-fed date rapists escaped from a frat at some nightmarish Midwestern land-grant university—we have now been forced into being an appliance company. Making the Pied Piper Boxes: rectangular, glorified thumb drives that resemble nothing so much as old Betamax machines. And I can most definitely assure you, having grown up in the foster care system: I do not enjoy being forced into a box against my will.

Comments (39)

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  1. вапвап says:

    ввапвап

  2. marie says:

    there is nothing so innovative as a new hard disk …

    But where is the blue sky R&D projects? Hooli even had z,x,y – it didn’t go well for anyone except the monkey… and perhaps the dept did explode like a potato hitting a wall out of a cannon… but a little startup in 1999 named Google have R&D, Jack, and you know what that little startup was called? Google.

    And while this box may be the best thing since my new WD passport last week, what’ll be your next generation of products?

    Besides R&D is a tax deduction – you know that – we all know that in Silicon Valley

  3. Jenny says:

    What you did and what you said have been a huge encourage on me. People should have the passion that you have for all the work they are doing. We all know that Pied piper are going through some unpleasant changes these days. But I believe if you guys work together and try your best to solve the problems as usual, we will see the big days of Pied piper’ real success are on the way!

  4. Patrice says:

    Hello Jared – I’m glad to see you’re doing well. We all miss you at Hooli, although of course we’re not allowed to mention your name around here! Quick favor to ask: could you refrain from saying anything bad about Gavin on this blog? He accidentally logged out of his HooliMail account and now he’s seeing the same results as the rest of the world instead of the more targeted, filtered content he’s accustomed to, and that’s been… challenging. I realize that your contract, including the standard non-disparagement clause, was found to be “not legally enforceable” and “catastrophically mismanaged to an absurd degree” but we’d just really appreciate it.

  5. metanymie says:

    Awn, Jared, I hope your house situation resolves quickly! And please try to get some sleep, you worry me! Erlich really should let you use the dorm room like before…
    Now is not the time to be zombified! Richard needs you more than ever! Your corporate know-how could really help during the board meetings, where the sales people are completely disrespecting him. :<

    At least I'm happy to know you are going through this together. Dream team!

    Sending you tons of courage and good vibes,
    xoxoxoxo

  6. xinziai says:

    Hope you get back your home soon:)

  7. James says:

    Hang in there Jared, there’s a lot of people watching and appreciating how hard you work! Keep pushing and I know you will be rewarded for it!

  8. John McMillan says:

    Hi There,
    John, AWS Cloud Analyst and SV fan, EMEA region (UK).

    If I buy two appliances, can I compress the first one with the second? Double middle out penetration?

    Regards –

    P.s Has Jared considered Bobby Womack’s “Living in a Box” as his ringtone?

  9. Erinn Tracie Tervalon says:

    Give ’em hell guys!- Tracie in Nevada

  10. Yano says:

    I think this is a ruse. Action Jack has proven himself with his ability to turn companies into empires. So he’s not as dumb as he’s pretending to be. Richard has said several times that he lacks vision for Pied Piper. I believe that Jack sees this, and he’s trying to get Richard to break out of his shell by instigating him into having no other choice but to take control of what he wants Pied Piper to become. When Richard finally breaks, I think Jack will admit that it was part of his master plan.

  11. Lauretta says:

    LOL. Well done!

  12. Your show is tragically – but hysterically – accurate.

  13. Phumudzo Muvhango says:

    I feel for Richard, He must be going through a really rough time

  14. Why am I not allowed to write articles on the company website anymore?!

  15. Marc says:

    Bring back a lot of Bighead. He is one of the funniest characters on the show.

  16. Drew says:

    Hire Nelson ‘Big Head’ Bighetti!
    and more Jian Yang! I fucking love that guy.

  17. Camille says:

    “my bones are me and my body is my house… so I’m always home.” hilarious and sad, in equal measure.

  18. Joe Cavallaro says:

    They made Pied Piper into WHAT!?! This is on par with when Michael Jordan said he was going to become a Baseball player!

  19. Chanse Gril says:

    wow, stellar product, can’t wait to get this vcr into action!

  20. Sara Lihasa says:

    So much fun to watch! Loved the nerdy bunch!

  21. Nabeel Ahmed Khan says:

    40 min show please please please!

  22. Andrew T says:

    Is that a VCR?

  23. Kwabena says:

    Just finished watching the episode, just feeling so sad for Richard. Hoping they kick some sense into Action Jack

  24. ichor says:

    no more snack dick

  25. D says:

    Appliance servers are awesome. You’re basically Hitler.

  26. Sean says:

    You should have taken the 10 mil

  27. Zach says:

    You always have your “Trick” Jared.

  28. Bryan says:

    Coolest show ever!

  29. T says:

    Who’s the design who rebranded the pp logo?

  30. Yujing says:

    Love the show!

  31. Cody says:

    This is the best!!!! Can’t wait find out what happens. I hope you guys can overthrow that pompous ass, or as I refer to him ” Needle Nose Ned”

  32. yx_chai says:

    Great show, perfect guys!

    1. Mitch says:

      What show? This is Jared Dunn’s blog.