RICHARD HENDRICKS

“Atrus/The Puppet Master/Ricky”

CEO/President

Richard hails from Tulsa. He has earned degrees from the University of Oklahoma and Stanford. (Go Sooners and Cardinal!) Before starting Pied Piper, he worked for Hooli as a software developer. While his work focuses on applied information theory, mostly optimizing lossless compression schema of both the length-limited and adaptive variants, his non-work interests range widely, from quantum computing to chaos theory. He could tell you about it, but THAT would NOT be a “length-limited” conversation! Despite those who said Richard should have accepted a certain $10 million offer to fully acquire Pied Piper, he expects to soon receive Series A financing well in excess of that. So “boo-to-the-ya,” as the kids say (we’ve been told)!

ERLICH BACHMAN

“El Peludo”/”The J-2000: Steve Jobs 2.0”

Senior Minority Owner, Chief Executive of Physical Space (Landlord)

Noted Silicon Valley entrepreneur and bon vivant Erlich Bachman has founded both Palo Alto’s Hacker Hostel incubator (allowed to reopen by the Sheriff’s Department in 2011) and Aviato, acquired in 2008 for low seven figures. That’s right. Seven. Figures. He is also a pioneer in the field of crossbreeding Cannabis Sativa with those of Psylocybe Cubensis, with the goal of producing customizable hallucinations that recreate famous scenes from film and television. Has attended, for various lengths of time, Berkeley, Reed, Oberlin, and Hampshire College (B.A. in Ultimate Frisbee). Mr. Bachman has no comment on any possible lawsuit against former Oracle VP Dan Melcher at this time, but that f*cker would do well to get right with whatever gods he holds dear.

DINESH CHUGTAI

“Wolfgang Amadeus Java”

Programmer

Born in Islamabad, Dinesh became a naturalized citizen in 2010, unlike Gilfoyle, who was an illegal Canadian alien until quite recently and is a piece of garbage. He has received honors degrees in information theory and computer science from Yale, Caltech, and Oxford. His hobbies include both watching rugby and the wearing of its signature shirts (which perfectly combine form and function in a way not popularly appreciated), libertarian politics, and being stared at suspiciously during air travel. He is not sexually attracted to code in any programming language, written by either men or women, despite what you may or may not have heard. Any slanderous gossip to the contrary is total bullsh*t and probably originated with the aforesaid piece of crap Gilfoyle.

(BERTRAM) GILFOYLE

“The Eye of Sauron”

Systems Architect

McGill. MIT. EFF. 666Chan.

In 2011 he replaced the homepage of the Federal Reserve with the cover of Neil Gaiman’s “Neverwhere.” (paperback edition) It took them a week to get it down. You’re welcome.

Gilfoyle has played drums in a series of Toronto-area first-wave-DC-influenced hardcore, thrashcore, hatecore, corecore, and corehard outfits under the name Strychnine McTwat. In fact, he has been asked to leave some of the most influential bands in the Toronto scene, including Piss Nazis, the Scumtones, and Das Abortions.  He was about to sign a high three-figure deal with EbolaTard Records, when the company’s president was arrested, and the company’s office was impounded, after drugs were found in its door panels during a traffic stop.

Non serviam.

JARED (DONALD) DUNN

“The Andrea Dworkin of Building Long-Term Value”

Head of Business Development

Jared’s early life is best passed over, but he managed to rise above it thanks to a series of largely well-meaning foster parents, and went on to receive a B.A. from Vassar College in Economics. During those too-soon-over happiest of years, he was proud to sing second alto with the “Joyce Carol Notes A Capella Confrontation.“ At Vassar he was also coxswain for Women’s Heavyweight Crew, and co-founder of Take Back “Take Back the Night.” After graduation, he worked for Google and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi before becoming a director of special projects at Hooli, working closely with CEO Gavin Belson, before moving to Pied Piper in 2014. Despite his recent unfortunate shipping container experience, he is fine: so while wishes for his recovery are well-motivated, please refrain from making them to him, as it forces him to relive that frozen, robot-infested hell-hole.